A letter to the people-pleasers: you can’t be all things to all people.

This article will explore...

• People-pleasing can harm business success. Setting boundaries is essential for balancing client satisfaction with growth.
• Recognizing symptoms of people-pleasing, such as self-abandonment and approval-seeking, is the first step. Self-reflection and boundary-setting are crucial.
• Alison Kraweic-Thayer shares her journey from people-pleaser to mindset coach, offering practical tips and a 3-step guide to setting healthy boundaries.

Truth is, people-pleasing is bad for business

Balancing people-pleasing and customer satisfaction is much easier said than done. Naturally, all business owners want to accept as many clients as possible, do their best on every project, and maximize client satisfaction. After all, isn’t that what’s best for business? Not quite...

Unfortunately, working closely with clients, especially in creative, service-based industries, can lead to people-pleasing behavior. Instead, finding a balance between meeting client needs and prioritizing business growth is key. Ultimately, setting client boundaries can be the difference between succeeding and sinking.

The symptoms of people-pleasing

The pitfalls of people-pleasing are often hard to identify. This behavior stems from a sense of responsibility to make others feel good and supported, often at the expense of your own needs. It also reflects a strong desire for approval from others and can lead to undermining your values and self-worth based on others’ perceptions.

It’s not easy to look in the mirror and reflect on your habits. However, self-reflection is the first step to setting healthy boundaries in both your business and personal life.

Meet Allison KT: a people-pleasing and boundaries coach

Allison Kraweic-Thayer is an entrepreneur, certified mindset coach, and recovered people-pleaser. She began her career studying psychology and conflict at a small liberal arts college and is now the founder of The Grounded Empath. Over the years, Allison has learned the importance of setting boundaries to overcome people-pleasing. As an expert and recovered people-pleaser, she equips her clients with the tools needed to build a confident mindset and a thriving business.

In our conversation with Allison, she discusses people-pleasing, setting boundaries, and knowing your self-worth:

How did you identify "people-pleasing" as what was holding so many people back?

This realization came from noticing it in myself first. In my early twenties, I felt a disconnect between how I saw myself and how I lived my life. I had always been bold and confident but often found myself in situations that didn’t feel right—bad relationships, working extra shifts while juggling three jobs as a college student, and biting my tongue in disagreements. I saw how much I was editing myself for others and losing myself in the process.

As I learned more about people-pleasing (also known as "self-abandoning"), it became clear that this was my behavior. The biggest shift came when I realized that repeated people-pleasing sends a message to ourselves that we are inferior. Every time I bit my tongue to keep others happy or avoid conflict, I was telling myself: "Their comfort is more important than yours." Once I understood that, I couldn’t continue doing it to myself.

I wish healing from this was as simple as snapping your fingers, but it requires a lot of unlearning and relearning. However, it is possible!

How can someone tell if they're a people-pleaser?

The intention behind your actions determines whether you are people-pleasing or simply being kind and supportive. Here’s an example:

You are hiring a photographer for an event. You post online, and your uncle replies that he has a decent camera and is willing to take pictures. However, you know he’s not the right fit for the event, and you’ll need to tell him you’re going with someone else.

If your inner dialogue goes like this:

“It’s so sweet that Uncle Jim offered to help out. I know his style isn’t quite what we’re looking for here. I’ll send him a message to thank him and let him know we’ll be going with someone else.”

You are probably just being a kind, supportive person.

But if it goes like this:

“Oh man. He isn’t the right fit, but I can’t make him feel bad. And my mom probably saw the comment, so she’ll ask about it too. He’s family. I don’t want to make things awkward. Maybe I’ll just let him do it? Or maybe I’ll lie and say we aren’t doing the event after all?”

You might be falling into people-pleasing.

The difference is that in the first example, you are rooted in love and choosing clear communication. You aren’t trying to save your uncle or worrying about his feelings. You aren’t making assumptions about his or anyone else’s reactions. You’re simply responding to the situation.

In the people-pleasing example, you are experiencing "Emotophobia"—the fear of negative emotions. You worry about his feelings, your mom’s feelings, and even your broader family’s feelings, assuming they’ll respond negatively. You use what I call “defensive niceness” to prevent something bad from happening.

How can people-pleasing be detrimental to the success of a small business?

People-pleasing as a small business owner is more common than we realize. Often, we try to present it as “good customer service,” but it doesn’t change what it is.

“Being a perfectionist” often stems from self-doubt, as does “being super flexible” or worrying about “being salesy.” I’ve been there—you’re on a sales call, and the client thinks your service is too expensive or wants to change parts of the offer. So, in the name of “good customer service,” you give a discount or make concessions.

When you do this, you’re not standing in your authority as a business owner. You’re signaling that others can push you around a little, which can ultimately cost you a lot—like $8k, as it did for a woman I know.

This woman provided social media content services for a non-profit. At the beginning of the agreement, she "didn’t want to be difficult", so she didn’t put a contract in place. Fast forward to today, she’s coming to terms with the fact that she will probably never see the $8,000 she is owed for her work.

Our audience are client-first service providers, think wedding planners, interior designers, and personal stylists. In client-focused work, what is the importance of setting client boundaries?

Client boundaries are critically important, especially if clients contact you outside of scheduled sessions. You deserve time off and the ability to unplug, just like everyone else. Many of my clients, especially those in real estate, feel the need to be constantly available. I once spoke with a man who missed a special moment at his son’s wedding because he stepped out during dinner to take a client call. While clients are important, it’s essential to remember that you are human, and life extends beyond work.

Can setting boundaries compromise client satisfaction?

This is where I recommend letting boundaries be flexible and providing context. I’ve heard horror stories from friends, like one whose coach moved to Bali one month into a six-month arrangement. The coach was only available for calls between 9 pm and 1 am local time for my friend and was entirely unwilling to adjust this boundary, expecting everyone to accommodate her schedule. Understandably, my friend’s satisfaction was compromised.

However, boundaries can be flexible too. I always tell clients that boundaries can be a tall cement wall with barbed wire or a gentle row of sunflowers separating your yard from the neighbors. For example, you might prefer not to work on weekends, but if your dream client is only available on Saturdays, you can choose to adjust this boundary without abandoning it entirely.

Providing context can also be helpful. If a client repeatedly pushes for an afternoon meeting when you’ve set your schedule to end by 2 pm, explaining your reasoning can help them understand. You might say, “I know you’d like to shift our meeting time to 4 pm, but as I’ve stated, I am not available after 2 pm. I pick up my kids at 2:30 pm and am fully present in family time from then on.” This helps the client feel heard and usually stops them from pressuring for a later meeting.

How can female entrepreneurs confidently stand up for themselves without losing clients?

Setting boundaries and standing up for yourself isn’t about being mean, right, or proving anything. I always encourage clients to enter these situations envisioning their neutral Higher Self. The Ego often wants to get defensive and fight back, but as a business owner, this is usually not the best approach. If you feel anger rising, take a breath and decide if it’s the right time for the conversation.

If you feel too emotional to navigate calmly, you might say, “I hear what you are saying and need some time to work through my thoughts and feelings. Could we reconnect tomorrow to talk about this?”

If clients are turned off by you standing up for yourself, consider if they are clients you really want to keep.

You emphasize the importance of cherishing yourself. What does this mean to you as a female business owner?

To me, cherishing yourself means loving yourself unconditionally. It’s not about thinking, “I’ll love myself when I book that one-year retainer client,” or “I’ll feel validated in my business when I book a $20k event,” or “I need to be booked out for the whole season before I feel like I’m good enough.”

All of this people-pleasing healing starts with the mindset, and when your mindset is one of cherishing yourself like the once-in-a-lifetime gift that you are, you tend not to get sucked into people-pleasing.

In my life as a female business owner who cherishes herself, this means having a weekly schedule that works for me (no calls on Mondays or Fridays), not pressuring myself to hit posting goals on social media, not taking it personally if someone says no to my offer, trusting myself and my ideas enough to show up online talking about them, and saying what I want to say in my content without worrying about others’ opinions.

Allison's 3-step guide to implementing healthy client boundaries

Step 1: Discovering what's important to you

Identify which boundaries are necessary and why. For example, if you pick up your kids and can’t take calls later in the day, set a boundary around that time. If you function better with a slow morning, don’t schedule calls until after lunch. If you’re in interior design, set boundaries around client edits before additional charges apply. It’s one thing to swap out a piece of art, and another to completely change the project direction and require you to redo your work.

Step 2: Communicating your boundaries

Plan what you want to say and anticipate how they might react. Having a plan gives you a solid foundation for the conversation. Think about how to communicate your boundary and how to handle potential reactions. For example, if a bride keeps calling you outside of office hours, decide how to address it if she takes it personally or gets upset. Preparing for these scenarios can make the conversation less intimidating.

Step 3: Getting in the right headspace

Remember that you are worthy of setting this boundary and tune into that feeling before the conversation. As a people-pleaser, you might try to talk yourself out of it. Instead, cherish yourself and recognize that you deserve to set this boundary. Give yourself time to get into a confident headspace before the chat. Make sure you feel grounded and connected to what you want to say. Plan some time after the conversation to decompress and process.